Thursday, August 21, 2008

Life's Not Fair

We always know it, but we certainly feel this truism more acutely at certain times than at others. Although I most often hear this uttered by kids over simplistic issues, this morning I'm thinking of the big stuff, the stuff where we have no real choice but to let God work out the details because it's bigger than we can manage. Specifically, I'm thinking of the parnership with God to bring new life into the world. Why do some women get to do it and others don't? Why do some get to do so with much ease & for others, the sacrifice is so great?? There are women who have lost babies before they even knew them. There are others that get a baby in the end, but the path to get there is difficult. I have sisters that have nearly lost their own lives in the process of bringing new life into the world. That, is not fair, is it?

Today, my thoughts are focused on my sister Wanda. And for once, I'm not thinking that somebody else got the better deal here. Although I have done nothing to deserve it, I've had a comparatively "easy" time of it when it comes to pregnancy & birthing & healthy babies. Wanda, on the other hand, has not. Though it is nothing she has done, she has had two high-risk pregnancies, with complications galore. She has two beautiful little girls after spending her last two months of pregnancy in the hospital with daily monitoring, and now she has a handsome little guy who is still in the hospital a week after his birth following placental abruption. Although I trust he'll be okay in the end, the path has been a bit rocky.

It was just last Tuesday morning that I got the call that Wanda, 35 weeks pregnant with placenta previa, "bled out." As I drove over to her house, I was calling family & praying, and God comforted me with this song, "Oh No, You Never Let Go." Life is NOT fair, but when the ride feels hard to bear, even impossible to bear, He is with us, holding on, and when it feels just right, He is there, and all the times in between, He is there. I pray that you feel His presence more strongly today than ever before, Wanda & Tracy. I'm sorry, so sorry that you are having to go through this. I wish I could snap my fingers & it would be over, I wish I could hold you in my arms & sing you a song & make it all better like I can still do with Alyssa, but I cannot, and so the even better choice here is to ask God to do what I cannot. He is capable of handling the big stuff & the little stuff, and it is already obvious that He was there in the midst of the storm on Tuesday, lining up the details. He will never leave nor forsake you. Love you are being lifted up in prayer by many.


Janet said...


I've never left a comment on anyone's blog, goes. You certainly have a way with words. You really laid out the emotions so eloquently. You had me in tears. Your words, though, took me back to my friend, Michelle's, struggle with breast cancer, bone cancer, the disentigration of her marriage and then the realization that she wasn't going to make it. I had those same feelings. Life's not fair! How can so many horrible things happen to someone I care about and whose life circumstances are not so far removed from my own? Why her and not me? She didn't deserve to go though all of that. You ache to somehow ease their troubles, only to realize that you can't take their pain away. You can only be there for them to the best of your ability. It's all in God's hands. I know that in my life I'll never know why things went the way they did for her, but I feel convinced that God's hand was in her life and He is still working some purpose in the lives of her children. I ache for them because they will continue to be haunted by the loss of their mother, but it's truly the only way to find peace with it.

Linda, your feelings just echoed what I went thru a few years ago. I felt compelled to share. Wanda & Tracy, I'm also sorry that you are going thru such a difficult time. As Linda said, I'm convinced that God is there and has been from the beginning. Just know that we're all rooting for you! Wish I could be there! Janet

wanda said...

Aah, you shouldn't make a girl cry at 2:30 in the morning, especially when she's hooked up to the pump with no tissues in reach. :)

I do know that He is there and has been there through this whole situation. And I have felt Him most profoundly in you. You wish you could comfort me with a song like you do Alyssa... and you have, in other ways. You have asked God to do what you cannot, but you've not left much undone. :) After you left today, I thought back to how you've always been a good "nurse", even when we were kids. Seems you were made for such a time as this. What more can you ask for than love, and that has been poured out on us in abundance. You are one awesome sister! I love you!

Linda said...

Wow! I'm speechless...You read AND you posted. :) Thanks for sharing; it helps the miles to disappear a bit. Crises are not so fun to go through and we'd certainly never choose them, but I'm always reminded how they draw us closer to God & how they strenthen the bonds we have with family & friends.

And I have to say, sisters are just the best! I'm so glad I have so many! I often remind my own girls that when they grow up, they'll still have each other, still love to chat & spend time together, to share the ups & downs of life. Sisters are special, and I'm so glad that you guys are my sisters! And I'm glad that I've been able to walk the path with you a bit, Wanda.:)

Anonymous said...

Wow, you guys! Even weeks later you are making me cry! Ok, so it's not so hard to do, but this is very powerful stuff! I always wanted a sister, at 2 years old I even insisted that my new baby brother was a girl...I am so glad that you were able to be there (and are still) for Wanda, and vice versa! Love you guys!