I read this quote in Francis Chan’s Crazy Love (p. 23) this morning, & it hit me square between the eyes. “Come with me on this journey. I don’t promise it will be painless. Change, as we all know, is uncomfortable. It’s up to you to respond to what you read [experience]. But you will have a choice: to adjust how you live daily or to stay the same.” Of course, the words in brackets are my own. I feel like the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder (maybe knocked me down), & said, “This is for you!” I think this post has been brewing for awhile, but it is not an easy one to write & publish. To quote my brother, if you’re blogging as a journal, at times, it “feels like walking around in your underwear for all to see.” Transparency is not so easy.
At times, I wonder why we’re on this journey. I know that I felt incredible peace that defied all understanding as we stepped out in faith to make this happen. I also know that the actual doing of this is hard! That’s right…it isn’t easy. Yes, we have seen & will continue to see amazing sights, we have connected with & reconnected with such interesting & Godly people, and we are getting more time as a family than we ever could have otherwise. This is, however, a LOT of change! Some days we cruise along & it is great fun, but there are days where we make mistake after foolish mistake. The list of casualties when it comes to the RV is growing. (Ever watch that Robin Williams’ movie RV??) Just in the last couple of days, we ruined the right front “leg.” Yep, those costs add up, but even more than that, it hurts morale. Fact is, we are still novices, and we have & will continue to screw up. Some days, it is relatively easy to roll with the punches, & other days, not so much. Somehow, even though I didn’t expect it to be all perfect, it is hard to admit that some days I feel a bit like an Israelite, longing for the way things used to be.
With all that being said, I have to believe that He who started a good work in us will see it through to completion. Sometimes I inwardly chuckle when I think about how we felt like God wanted us to give back on this trip…because so far, it seems that we are the “needy” ones. It is humbling to always by the one saying, “Something is wrong. Can you help??” I know that we are learning valuable lessons about community. No matter where we go, God wants us to be a part of community. We are not in a little bubble, tending to our own needs & wants; we are constantly coming into contact with others who need what we can offer & we are constantly needing others. Steve & I are learning how to be a united front in ways that we never have before. We are learning valuable lessons about the impact of our words & actions. Tight space constraints can make tempers rise in a hurry. There is a lot of character revelation going on, & it isn’t all pretty! I definitely feel like the Lord is seeking to refine us, & that is hard work!
Soooo…back to Francis Chan’s quote…we are indeed on this journey. There were no promises it would be painless, & there certainly have been some growing pains. The change is uncomfortable because change simply is, but it is up to each of us individually how we respond to what we are experiencing along the way. With that said, Steve & I are the ones with the greatest responsibility for leading our family in the proper way to respond. We do indeed have a choice: adjust how we live daily…or stay the same. My prayer today is that we become better at choosing to adjust.